And Another Thing…..!!!

December 14, 2006


Whilst I,ve got my Victor Meldrew head on, what is it with the blister packs in Strepsils?

When I have a sore throat, or a tickly cough “ah hem!”, in the middle of the night, I dont expect to wake up Mrs. Magic and half the street when I open up a pack of strepsils! I mean you could you use the blister pack as a bird scarer on airport runways its that LOUD!

Imagine if you will….tis the wee hours of the night, a light frost is forming on the already dew laden flowers in the garden. The night is still…cept for the soft fluttering of an owls wings as it searches for its prey. All is well, all is quiet. The moon gazes down upon the earth with its beacon of light casting shadows amongst the undergrowth. Nothing stirs, nothing moves….then “CRRRRAAAACCCCKKKKLLLLEEEEZZZZZ!!!!!!”.

Small hibernating animals two fields away scurry to find a safer place, dogs begin to howl the terrible song of the banshee, cats wail their screeching chorus of defiance, hundreds of lights flick on within the neighbourhood, windows are unlatched noisely as sleep sodden eyes peer into the night in desparate search of the miscreant who has dared to cast asunder the silence of the dark!

Meanwhile back in my house, I have to fetch the ladders so that I can get Mrs. Magic off the ceiling! My sore throat usually disappears but I think this is mainly due to the severe head injury inflicted upon my person by Mrs. Magic with a rolled up copy of the Ambulance Service U.K. magazine.



What Necks…..?

December 14, 2006


 Correct Scarf Positioning

I seem to be having a bit of a Victor Meldrew phase at the moment.

What is it with people wearing scarfs in a what can only be described as a hoity, toity, dandy, fandy, quasi fashion statement?  


Incorrect Scarf Postioning

A scarf is an article of material used for the warming of ones neck region during weather of a rather inclement nature i.e. when its cold. The said strip of material, hereon in refered to as the scarf, can be of many types of cloth. Ideally it should be woven from wool or a good hard wearing tweed. Colours can be bright or subdued dependant on the wearers taste.

But, and this is the point of all this pointless drivel, it should be crossed and folded from underneath the first crossed section. Not intertwined in some convuluted statement of architecture. Its a scarf to keep you warm, not high street fashion for Gods sake! 

Next installment….”Is skimmed milk just coloured water?”