Reasons to be Cheerful…!!!

February 28, 2010

Just thought I’d have a bit of a whinge and at the same time explain why there has been a sparsity of posts. Work has increased due to targets and ‘call connect’ so that when I walk into the station the first job is given bang on the hour (there are always emergencies outstanding at the start and end of shifts which I’ll explain why in a bit).

It is absolutely relentless and we are lucky to get a break (unless we opt out of the AVP which I can’t do for operational reasons and my own opinions on that issue ). All resources are being thrown at achieving ORCON with no regards for the crews on the road. In all my years in the service I have never known so many staff going off sick with stress, exhaustion, immunocompromised conditions or just to simply to get away.

On top of the relentless calls we have management chasing us to turn round quicker and be available for more jobs. At the end of the day we are a demand driven service and the public need us in times of illness or injury…but…we are getting sent to more and more and more and more and more (you get the picture) and more crap!!!!!!!!

The Ambulance Service is supposed to be for life threatening or serious emergencies and we should be sending the right response to the right patient at the right time…..but we are not!!! We are responding to everything as though it was life threatening due to stupid f*****g targets and the only way we can protect ourselves is to time the last job so we clear at the hospital dead on the hour of finishing. This still means we are late off due to travelling back to station.

Where at one time in the service if we got called to a stupid job it would be one of a few in a 24 hour period…now it seems we are being called to 99% stupid jobs and the real emergencies are the ones that end up having to wait for an available crew!!! Over the past months I have been late off every single shift. No crew or RRV dare call clear with even just one minute to go to the end of the shift as it is guaranteed they will get a job. We seem to be forced into enforced overtime when all we want is proper breaks and getting off on time! Not much to ask is it?

Examples of recent calls I’ve been sent to: electric wheelchair with a flat battery…abdo pain (for twenty years and decided to get it checked at 4am)…broken finger nail…a cold sore…infected navel due to piercing…tired…a sneeze (yes a single sneeze!!!) And they all got a blue light response because of the absurdity of  the ‘call connect’ system.

Got to stop now as I can feel myself getting fired up!!!!! Take care out there.

So you can appreciate why I am so knackered and finding it hard to post at the moment….(nb. not looking for sympathy just thought I’d let you know I’m still here…just!!!)

Stuck on You…!!!

January 8, 2010

A rather embarrassing incident took place in the South of England recently. Its one of those incidents that pops up on the radar from time to time. Man (includes the female of the species) has found many ways of achieving lets say…pleasure from a variety of objects. Each to their own I suppose and if its done behind closed doors in private and it’s not harming anybody then who am I to judge?


 Click the pic above for report 

But at the same time…there are some strange people about!!!

With all the snow and ice about I thought someone might have used the precipitation to reduce the complaint!

Have a Safe New Years Eve…and Day!!!

December 31, 2009

I was going to do an in-depth treatise on the last decades occurences…but I couldn’t be bothered! So I am gearing myself up for tonight’s shenanigans in Big City. I wonder if there will be any alcohol related jobs?!?!?

Whatever you do tonight take care and enjoy yourself…and have a Guinness for me!  All the best for the New Year!

Happy Christmas…to Everyone!!!

December 24, 2009

Have a good one…!!!

Back Door Blues…!

December 13, 2009


Another weekend night shift…and another journey into the surreal world of drink, violence and total befuddlement of the masses! Only this night shift played out like a scene from a horror B movie. Let me sketch the outline for you…

In  cities and towns up and down the length and breadth of Great Britain there is usually one main road, one street, one square that channels the hoards of drinkers and revellers into a selection of drinking emporiums and bars. One main meeting place where like-minded souls intent on alcohol induced oblivion come together.

Early into the shift we were on our third foray into the battle ground of ‘Bottle Street’ in the city centre. Turning into the street it looked like we had happened upon a ‘Majax’ (ambulance speak for a major accident). As far as the eye could see it was a mass of blue lights…ambulances and Police personnel carriers were parked in the road, on pavements and crawling slowly through the throng of short skirted women and T shirted males.

Our call was to a ‘female collapsed’ in the street. Eventually, after carefully negotiating staggering, swaying people and others oblivious to the big yellow truck with the flashing blue lights,  we find our patient. She is laid on the pavement with her skirt around her waist, her hair slicked back with fresh vomit and black mascara covering her face like some sort of commando. Her friends are all busy on mobiles still swiggging from small bottles of gin or vodka.

‘Her drinks bin spiked mate!’ shouts one male friend into my ear. Looking at our patient and her friends I shudder…and pull my collar up further against the biting cold wind. The fashion seems to be minimal clothing, maximum alcohol and a distinct lack of common sense. ‘So how much has she had to drink?’ I ask her friends. I know the answer before it is even uttered….‘Shes only had a few!’  It’s always the same, just a few drinks…just a few in each pub…this is on top of the bottle of wine and / or bottle of spirits before leaving home!

We lift her onto the stretcher and place her into the truck. Pulse, BP, blood sugars and levels of consciousness are checked and then we motor off to A/E. Oh how the nurses are going to love us bringing in another drunk female…as if its our fault that she is drunk! We arrive at A/E and add our patient to all the other drink related cases queuing up on trolleys. After a brief catch up with colleagues and tidying the back of our truck we press ‘Clear’. Within seconds the MDT starts squawking and we are off again…back to the city centre and ‘Bottle Street’.

Once again we turn into the street, this time we are alone. No other blue lights can be seen and the masses seemed to have thinned out a little…not a lot but a little. And once again we find a ‘female collapsed’ ….what a surprise. And once again we pour her into the truck, do the baseline obs and prepare for egress to A/E. Only theres a problem….the back doors will not close on the ambulance!

Whilst my crew mate tends to our latest customer I try all manner of Jedi manoeuvres to release the door from the holding catch and to close it. Suddenly my mate calls out ‘Behind you!’  Turning quickly round I am confronted by the sight of a male covered in blood. Swaying unsteadily on his feet he tries to get past me and into the truck. ‘Whoa fella! Where you going then?’ Ignoring me he grabs the door and tries to haul himself in. Grabbing his hand I prise his fingers off the door and gently spin him round and push him away from the vehicle.

I now notice that the street has filled up again and a swarm of people seem to be making a bee line for us. Maybe they think we are a mobile discotheque with our blue flashing lights and the welcoming glow emanating from within the back of the truck. Like a scene from a zombie movie they move steadily and inexorably towards us. A shout goes up followed by the bump of a coppers helmet as it bounces across the road. Two coppers are engaged in a wrestling match with one of the zombies near to us.

‘Get the door f*****g shut and go!’ yells my mate. I pull at the door again and again whilst trying to fend off a couple of zombies muttering ‘Taxi…home…club…home…’  With one last heave I manage to release the back door by ripping off the retaining pin at the back. Slamming it shut I make my way to the cab and pull one of the zombies out who has managed to climb into the driver’s seat. He hits the deck in a drunken sprawl. Keys in ignition and hitting the central locking I fire the truck up and pull away at speed.

In the wing mirrors I see the receding figures of zombies, arms outstretched behind us. Another typical night shift ends with a change of truck at base after numerous door closing practice! 

Furry Little Animals…!

December 3, 2009

This is a repost…I just like it! (And I’ve been on nights!)

SWAB Team 6 is back in country…sitrep soon.

SWAB Teams pets…!

The Giraffes Goolies…!

December 1, 2009

Just a short addition to the many merits of the Magnum ‘Ion-Mask’ boots

On my last night shift I seemed to have become a vomit magnet. Two patients vomited over me (was it something I said?). Luckily the angle of the technicolour yawn meant that it was directed towards the earth. This resulted in a splash down on my boots! The aforementioned vomitus ran off the black leather like water off a ducks back. Marvellous!

A picture of diced carrots!

Only problem was the laces…which seemed to attract ‘carrots’, ‘sultannas’ and some other dubious looking material. My uniform trousers took most of the fallout from the patients adventurous stomach contents and had a habit of reactivating the pleasant aroma even after copious sponging down. (It was a very cold night and the vehicle heater was a double-edged sword!).

Just thought I’d let you know…carry on with your tea now.  

Ps…no giraffes or carrots were harmed in the making of this post!

The Badgers Nadgers…!!!

November 27, 2009

I have been very fortunate in being recently asked to field test a pair of the latest Magnum boots. The ‘Ion-Mask’. I have included the links to the Magnum website for you to read up on all the scientific niff naff as it explains the technology better than I ever could.

The main difference with these boots is that they are ‘blood proof’ and ‘water proof’  are breathable and extremely light weight and also chemical resistant.

So there I am getting ready for the old night shift and its persisting down outside (persisting down heavily). My trusty old Magnum Protectors are stood in the corner of the kitchen watching forlornly as I slip on my new Ion-Mask Magnums. If the name alone is anything to go by then these are going to be good…I hope!

Straight away I notice the difference in weight. My old ‘mags‘ are comfortable and feel like an old friend…these new boots feel like slippers that have been bought for me by a very rich old auntie with the promise of a generous gift in her will. They are unbelievably comfortable.

Lacing them up they almost feel like a second skin and I notice the support around the ankles is still as good as my old mags. What I like is the Achilles cut away at the back of each boot. This makes it much easier to crouch or kneel down without feeling the boot tightening against the Achilles or lower calf muscle.

I ‘squeak, squeak’ across the kitchen floor and pick up my keys and important kit for the night shift…packup, water, packup, more packup…and an extra bag of crisps. (I’m cutting down!) Driving to my station I have to remind myself that I’ve not put on a pair of slippers and that I’m wearing the new ‘daisy roots.’

The real test comes halfway through the shift when we are called to a park to reports of a man trying to kill himself. Arriving on scene we make out the outline of a Police van with a couple of officers talking to someone. My crew mate parks up near to the Police van and I step out straight into a bloody great puddle! With the deftness and agility of a startled gazelle I leap out of the puddle and back in the same puddle…only a little deeper!

My immediate thoughts are ‘Oh crap! I’m going to get my new boots mucky!’ and with a renewed spring in my step I gallivant across the puddle like some form of giant mud skipper skittering across the beach! My crew mate just watches from the cab as I act out a poorly rehearsed scene from ‘Dancin’ in the Rain!’  Only instead of looking like Gene Kelly I look more like Lorraine Kelly. (My gran told me about Gene Kelly just in case you think I’m knocking on a bit!).

Looking down at my boots in the dim yellow glare of the neon park lights I am amazed to find that they are bone dry and look exactly the same as they did when they were taken out of the box. If only my trousers were made with ‘Ion-Mask’ technology as they wetly flap around my boots as I approach our ‘patient’. He is depressed and talks of suicide and wants help…so we take him to hospital in the vain hope that he will see someone there from mental health services.

After several more jobs leaping out of the cab (looking before I leap this time) and finding ‘patients’ in bushes, in the street, in their homes and one asleep in a skip I find that my feet still feel comfortable and dry. Getting home I am knackered and struggle to unlace my new boots…my gross motor skills are not good by the end of a night shift!

My honest opinion of these new ‘Ion-Mask’ boots…? 

  • Extremely comfortable
  • Waterproof
  • Good ankle support
  • Excellent tread/grip
  • Light weight
  • Easy clean
  • No need to break them in

My only gripe…?

  • Would have liked a couple of quick lace hooks in place of normal eyelets to make it easier to put on/take off.

Would I buy a pair…?

  • Definitely…100%

Magnum Ion-Mask website

Tiny Terrors…!!!

November 9, 2009


Another example of kids running amok. On first glance you would think it would be easy to speak to the 6 year olds…but they would have the full force of the law, social services and the press claiming brutal treatment by the paramedics or that their human rights had been breached!

This happened in Manchester…a little girl was injured and the paramedic RRV response car was attacked…and then the back up ambulance crew were threatened with being shot by a gang of little shits!

This is the news report…

Nothing will happen to these kids…nothing will be done to help the parents to keep their feral offspring out of trouble…just another incident to add to the others that happen everyday in this country. And these kids will grow up to be even more anti-social and kick out at everything. It’s these kids who will one day very soon stamp on the head of an innocent person and claim it is their right to do what they want!!!

It’s not going to be long before this happens…!!!

Rememberance Day……….

November 8, 2009

Spare a thought our lads and lassies out in Afghanistan or other places of conflict around the world. And say a small prayer for those who have been taken from us.