A Very Very Iddy Biddy Slight Whiff of Cheese…!!!

Bikes and Cars dont Mix Very Well...!

Bikes and Cars don't Mix Very Well...!

Making progress towards the scene we notice traffic backing up on the hill. Alternating the sirens between yelp/wail/whistle/bull horn/get out the way you moron we manage to squeeze into the gap between the couple of parked cars that have stopped at the incident. One of the cars was obliged to stop where it was due to the fact that there was a motorbike sticking out of the window!

Even though we were pulling into the small space as near to the car/bike, we were still being ‘flagged’ down by two bystanders. I think some bystanders must get a nervous condition at scenes of RTAs which compels them to wave continuously until the incident is cleared and swept up! “Yes, yes, we can see thank you very much!”

Alighting from the truck my colleague makes his way over to the RRV who, first on scene, has hold of the motorcyclists head providing cervical support. The biker is sat up, his helmet laying next to him in a non usable condition anymore. Nearby is the car that has ‘eaten’ his bike. The car driver is upset and crying thinking it is all her fault.

My crew mate speaks to the RRV pilot whilst I start getting the kit ready. Cervical collar, spine board, head-blocks, straps, stretcher, blankets. Once all the kit is assembled I trundle the rig off the lift and towards our patient.  I notice he is pale…very pale. He is clammy…very clammy. But he is conscious and can tell us that his leg and both knees are killing him!

Taking control of the patients head from behind enables the RRV pilot to place a collar on him. Very carefully we lower the biker onto the hard backboard and secure him with the head-blocks and straps etc. We decide to do a more detailed examination in the back of the truck. To make best use of the straps we take his boots off before securing his feet in a figure of 8.

Me & my mate overcome with Cheese...!

Me & my mate overcome with Cheese...!

But upon removing his boots and socks…dogs within a hundred yards begin to howl, mothers clutch their children to their bosoms and birds flee from nearby trees. The smell is most foul…putrid…a mix of swamp gas and age old Gorgonzola cheese!!! Once in side the truck, the windows are opened as best as possible and the air con is switched to mach 5! Only then do the the ‘tuff-cuts’ come out and his clothing is cut away to reveal the extent of his injuries.

Everything appears okay. GCS of 15 (Glasgow Coma Score..15 being the best, 3 being the worst), blood pressure fine, pulse steady, colour returning nicely. All his other vitals are fine with a good clear chest and no rigidity in the abdomen. The only obvious injury he appears to have is a compound fracture of the left tib/fib (open break of the lower leg bones) but the bones have sneaked back into the safety of the skin!

My crew mate starts feeling for pulses to make sure there is no interruption in the blood supply below the site of fracture. “I’ll just check out any witnesses and get a clearer history.” And with that I jump out of the back of the truck. And get a lungful of clean air.

Looking at the condition of the car/bike it is amazing that he has only sustained, as far as we can tell at the moment, a broken leg! The car is written off and so too is the bike! The car driver calms down a little when I tell her that the biker is okay. She says that she was stationary on the other side of the brow of the hill when she heard a massive crash and she was showered with glass. Instinctively she turned around and saw a helmeted biker almost sat on the back seat!

I open the back door of the truck and ask my mate if hes ready to go? Suddenly I am taken back to my Army NBC training with CS gas in the gas chambers somewhere on Salisbury Plain. My eyes are stinging…! My nose is assailed with a smell most foul…! My skin feels as if a warm ghost has softly wafted past me in the dead of night…! A warm ghost that probably owned a cheese factory and probably met his demise after falling into a curdling vat…!

Wiping away the chemically induced tears and trying to breathe through my ankles I just about make out the shape of my crew mate…he is pale…very pale! He is clammy…very clammy! “Are you okay?” I call out to him. With an almost imperceptible nod I just about see him through the yellowish air that seems to be emanating from the bikers ‘dancing gear’! Doors shut…I start the truck and off we go to A/E to sort the bikers injuries out.

En-route I happen to glance at a shop window and see in the reflection my crew mates mouth and nose trying to squeeze through the tiny gap in the side door window! He looks yellow…but that could be the tinted glass of the shop window! After depositing our biker in A/E we tidy up the back of the truck and leave all the doors and windows open to try and ‘vent’ the vehicle!

Later on we arrive back at A/E with another customer and the whole department smells…it reeks of gone off cheese! I have never dealt with any one whose feet stank so much in all my career! It has put me off pasta and Parmesan cheese for good!

Worlds Most Cheesy Feet...Ever...!!!

Worlds Most Cheesy Feet...Ever...!!!


23 Responses to A Very Very Iddy Biddy Slight Whiff of Cheese…!!!

  1. Louise says:

    Thats one lucky cheesey footed biker! My first thought at seeing that picture was “F**K ME!!” thought it must have been a fatal!

    When I worked for a well known supermarket during my A levels my work shoes would get banshed outside the back door due to the smell…….. the situation has improved slightly, although I still won’t put my work boots in a wardrobe before airing them first!!

  2. kingmagic says:

    Louise…I dont use pics from scenes that I go to, patient confo and all that. The pic is ‘Googled’ and is from a fatal some years ago, it was the nearest to what I described in the post.
    I never my work boots in the wardrobe as the chemical process for the smell sometimes takes time…and I cant find them in a rush!

  3. Tom Reynolds says:

    Heh, I was just about to warn you on using scene photos… Should have known that you weren’t daft.

    Bikers always have cheezy feet, as, I have learned, football players.

  4. Bendy Girl says:

    Eww, ewww, and ewww some more! In fact that’s it, ewwww! lil sis x

  5. kingmagic says:

    Tom…I,ve learnt from the master. Patient confidentiality is important and although I try and avoid screamish pics I only use what is in the public domain.
    Definately agree about football players feet…and rugby ones too.

    BG…nice comment lil sis! Big bro x.

  6. Louise says:

    I’ve been getting my pics off web as well so good to know…………!

  7. stroppymedic says:

    Takes me back to one of my first jobs – patient of “no fixed abode” wearing those foam bootees with velcro fastenings that hospitals give out to grannies in place of their trip-u-up slippers. Trouble was, patient had been wearing them a long time, over feet with poor circulation and open wounds. Taking off bootees to inspect poorly feet resulted in one or two (blackened) toes being left behind due to gangrene, and a smell that lingered in the nostrils for days. Happy days!!

    Oh, and I think the overenthusiastic flaggers are compensated for by the nonchalent “I’ll stand around looking vacant, and you guess whether or not I’m the person who wants you” types.

  8. kingmagic says:

    stroppymedic…your right about the people who sometimes just watch you tip by without trying to attract your attention. Had a job recently involving a push iron and a car. We tips up on scene (or to where we were told it was) and could not find anything. I noticed a chap standing on the pavement looking at us as we drove up and down the road. Eventually we stopped and asked him if he knew about the RTA? He then said yes…the car and cyclist were on his drive way hidden by the trees! He had just stood there and watched us for ages!

  9. Digital says:

    Maybe the cheese to the brunt of the impact? He was one seriously lucky biker….

  10. kingmagic says:

    Digital…he was lucky to get away with just fractures to his lower leg. My crew mate was unlucky to be in the back of the truck with him the whole time…on a rather warm day!

  11. Emma says:

    Magic Man, another classis! Breathe through your ankles though????..xx

  12. kingmagic says:

    Emma…’breathing through your ankles’ describes the amount of effort to attain inspiration of air which will alter the ‘pressure gradient’ within the breathing cycle which in turn will result in massive expiration of used gases and will therefore enable larger amounts of time saved without having to breath in noxious fumes such as cheesy feet!
    In other words you have to inwardly draw in your lungs down to ankle level to get a good go at holding your breath. Pavarotti was good at this.

  13. net says:

    As a fellow biker I have to sympathise with this poor chaps foot odour issues!

    Leather boots + hot weather + lots of riding just to make the most of the weather is not a good combination sadly-doesn’t matter what you do, the stench just keeps building!! Although you guys might want to consider paying a visit to your friendly neighbourhood Superdrug-their deodorant foot spray works wonders to mask stinky stuff like that (short term anyways!)-might make life a little easier for you guys!

  14. kingmagic says:

    net…when I first joined the job I was advised to always carry a small jar of ‘Vicks’ in my kit. To try and mask smells of shit, piss, vomit, decaying bodies and any other unsavoury odours! Only used it once as I went into a scene looking like I had a really bad cold with lots of snot nestling under my nose perched on my top lip!

  15. Natalie says:

    I’m not sure which photo is more gripping… the motorcycle accident is horrific, of course, but very compelling. “Overcome with Cheese” is obviously a powerful portrayal of the gut reaction experienced by those far too close to nostril-burning toe-jam fumes. “Cheese feet” looks like it belongs in a modern photography exhibition. Ah well, I like all three shots.

    I am truly amazed that guy suffered only leg fractures! Lucky man. My ex sheared off his left arm in a motorcycle accident many years back, poor guy.

  16. kingmagic says:

    Natalie…the pic of the bike and car was Googled. I dont use actual pics from any scenes I go to so as to protect patient confidentiality.
    One of the downsides of my job is the smell factor! I have developed a very acute sense of smell through job exposure so most bad stinks are now not too bad…but every now and then a new strain of putrid, rancid, olfactory assailing odour crops up just to remind me to watch where I,m putting my feet or hands!

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