New Year Resolutions…!

December 30, 2007

I (thats me and no-one else), being of sound mind and body (?), do lawfully and unreservedly declare that I, King Mordecai Obadiah Montgomery Sven Magic, will not be making any New Years resolutions this year. Until next year maybe…depending on my state of mind and amount of Guinness consumed. 


Everyone…have a safe and brilliant New Year and if you ever get low or you are feeling down then remember my family motto…

“Semper In Faciebus, Sumus Sole Profundum Variat!”

“Were always in the shit, its just the depth that varies!”

Christmas Craziness…!!!

December 21, 2007

I know this happens all year round, but it seems to get highlighted more at Christmas. The stupid, idiotic, insane, crazy, moronic calls that we get in the Ambulance Service. And our colleagues in the Police and Fire.

Click on pic for Yorkshire Ambulance Service calls…

Every Service gets it fair share of stupid callers….Westcountry Ambulance Service got people who “wanted  a hug!” I,d have given them a hug alright! A nice big hug around their neck to squeeze off the last few functioning brain cells!

“You want a hug do you?….

Meanwhile in the North East of England…this joker made a bet with his wife and called the Ambulance out. A definate candidate for the lads from SWAB Team 6 to go round his house and post some s**t parcels through his letter box. I think that if this happened to me when I was on duty then I would seriously be in danger of losing my job as the temptation to kick the living s**t out of this bloke would be too much!!! And I mean that very sincerely….

“So you wanna bet do you…?”

Its the same stuff every year….and its about time that examples were made of people. Either big fines or prison terms or even bring back the stocks and the birch!!! 

What every town & city needs….

Mid-Monkey to the Rescue…!

December 14, 2007


I,ve delivered 10 babies during my time in service.

Recently I took a refresher in POG.

Paediactrics Obstectrics Gynaecology

It comes in handy…..

 The NHS are acquiring more and more highly trained monkeys to perform a range of skills and disciplines across the entire medical spectrum.

Getting On Like A House On Fire…!!!

December 12, 2007


On a recent night shift we were called to a “House fire…persons reported!”

On with the old Blues & Twos and off we jolly well went. It did,nt take us long to arrive at the scene…a semi detached house at the end of a very long street. Already on scene were the Fire Brigade lighting up the surrounding houses with the swirl of their blue flashing lights and emitting a mechanical humming from the engines.

Most of the darkened street was covered in a haze of smoke as the fire had been put out and now they were damping down to prevent re-ignition. As I got out of the truck I could see an extension ladder up against the front bedroom window. Heavy scorching and smoke damage was evident all around the upper surface of the window frames.

With helmet and hi-viz jacket and O2 bag in hand, I looked for someone in charge. We get called to a lot of house fires with persons reported and thankfully we find that everything is okay. Just occasionally its not….and thats when things get a little bit hairy at times.

Quickly I found the officer in charge (Top Trumpton with a white helmet and black banding). He pointed me towards the fire engine where our casualty is sitting in the back with a neighbour. After making sure that we only had one casualty I climbed into the fire engine and introduced myself to the unfortunate receiver of these events.

Our truck is parked behind the fire engine so we carefully guide our patient to our vehicle where we can check her out properly. Once inside our truck we can see more clearly that she has suffered a lot of smoke damage herself! She is covered from head to toe in black soot. She is coughing like a demented seal with whooping cough after swallowing a hedgehog covered in barbed wire!

We replace the O2 mask for a nebuliser and administer salbutamol which eases her coughing slightly and notice that she has “sooting” in her nose and at the back of her throat. This is highly indicative of severe smoke inhalation and means that hot gases may well have been inhaled. Her chest sounds are wheezy and she is producing black phlegm on coughing. She appeared to have no other injuries.

This to me seemed like a straight forward job…O2/nebuliser/monitor/obs etc and of course bags of reassurrance and transport to A/E for further evaluation and treatment……except…….

…..she did not want to go to hospital. In between bouts of coughing she just got more and more irate that she was not being allowed back into her house for her things, handbag etc! Whilst trying to explain the consequences of smoke inhalation we were becoming more and more concerned as to the amount of smoke fumes in our vehicle that were emanating from off this woman!

We both strongly advised/insisted that she go with us to get sorted due to the fact that she was suffering now and that later she could suffer from secondary lung damage because of the chemicals in smoke. She was having none of it, and with that off came the mask, out of the door she went and marched over to her front door past the hose reels that were snaking into her hallway and collared the Top Trumpton.

I stood there watching this woman argue that she wanted to get back in. One of the fire men, who had rescued her down the ladder, asked if she had said any word of thanks? The answer was a big fat no! She was so wrapped up in her own world she was arrogant beyond belief! And no it was not due to shock or emotions or coping strategies….she was arrogant!

We still had to carry on our shift and everyone we met said we stunk of smoke. Our clothes, our hair our breath! And we were not even in the fire! At the end of the shift when I got home I stripped off outside the back door and put all my kit in a bag ready to be washed. I expect that this woman will have had to attend A/E at sometime as she will not have got away with inhaling that much smoke without some damage!

First Aid Cousin From Across The Pond…!

December 3, 2007

Found this clip of my cousin from Stateside.

He is called Biily Bob Magic and works as a Rapid Response Pilot in the Everglades. 

Stab-Vest Petition…

December 3, 2007

I am hugely indebted to Emma for putting this forward in a petition. I am still getting to grips with the IT of this site and will put this in my side bar when I can.


Click here to go to the petition

But for now if you wish to put your name to a worthwhile cause then hop over to Emmas blog and sign up.