S.W.A.B. Team 6…Roll Call!….

December 24, 2006

SWAB Team 6 is to be expanded, and I dont mean just the waistlines due to too many mince pies and sherries! The weekends parachuting course was cancelled due to the fact that we had  no plane…or parachutes…or anyone to train us…and it was foggy anyway!

So we decided on a tactical exercise ….at the pub! We played darts with 14 gauge cannulas and “pin the tail on the donkey” with a defibrillator. The landlord of the pub was most welcoming, as he is an ex stretcher-monkey himself. We will make this our local watering hole and for our mission de-brief sessions! It is called the “Paraffin Parrot”.

We managed to get hold of a new truck to assist us in our duties. The old one, a 1972 Ford Transit with a padlock on the back door, has been sold on to another Ambulance Service. I believe they are going to convert it into a “mobile control room” for majaxs etc. The new truck is perfect for running over scroates who stand in the middle of the road “flicking the Vs” and is equipped with a “chav catcher” at the front just like the trains in the states! It is due to be field tested by Inspector Gadget on Christmas Day! 



SWAB Team 6 training will be commenced shortly once we have hired the church hall from Mrs. Miggins as she is still running the Girl Guides on a Tuesday night but she is going into hospital soon for an operation concerning…. “womens plumbing!” The training syllabus will kick off with “pro-active self defence” and “how to dis-arm a chav/pondscum by giving him/her a good ninjaring!”


A chav Getting Ninjaed

This will be followed by “live exercises” on the mean streets of “Big City U.K.” Especially after we have watched repeats of “Casualty” and “The Bill”.


“Its What We Do…!”


I will be bringing you news of the uniform procurement and our ongoing equipment testing programme after Christmas. As I will be completely insensible due to over indulgence of alcohol and masses of turkey…but in a sensible sort of way!

Stay Safe and have a excellent Christmas and a spendid New Year! Until next time…..!



Kingmagic, SWAB Team 6 Skipper