Dead Mans Click…Completing the Circuit!!!

April 19, 2009


Slowly…silently…under the cover of darkness two dark figures approached the back of the house from the rear garden. Situated between two other properties the garden was unkempt, overgrown and strewn with discarded items of furniture. A piss stained mattress nestled against a door-less fridge. Various bits of wood, once part of a cabinet, lay scattered about a charred extinct bonfire. With carefully placed footsteps the figures arrived at the back wall of the two story house. Crouching, the nearest figure took out a small rolled up pouch from a large jacket pocket.

Taking out a small hand drill one of the the figures places the point of the drill bit into the upper right hand corner of the lower door panel. With a rapid twist of the handle the drill pierces the door panel. A narrow lenght of tube slightly smaller than the width of the drill bit is introduced quickly into the hole. Pushing on the end of the tube releases a fan of metal plates on the inside of the door. Pulling sharply back the plates spread against the inner door panel and with one concentrated tug the figure yanks out the panel. The noise is momentarily harsh, but quick. the figures are through the space where the panel once was.

Speed is now the order of the night. Both figures quickly dart through the kitchen door and into the hallway heading for the front room where their target is. Knowing full well that the noise from the back door panel will have alerted their quarry both figures burst into the living room bowling over the target as he was getting up to investigate.  A black gloved hand grabs the stunned target by the throat and drives him back onto the floor. Squeezing tightly around the Adams apple and pushing back hard the air is expelled from the back of his throat and no screams of protest come forth.

‘Still’…’Be very still’  The throat grabbing figure utters through the black cloth of his balaclava. Dezza, the occupant of the house, strained to release the grip from around his throat. It only got tighter and as his peripheral vision started to darken he struck out at his tormentor. Both fists were expertly caught by the second figure in black. Dezzas hands were dragged above his head and knelt on. Using strips of pre torn black masking tape on their sleeves the two figures expertly bound Dezzas wrists, legs and covered his mouth.  His designer trainers and Adidas socks were taken off.

‘Open your eyes Dezza…open them and see the last two people on this earth you will ever see!’ Dezzas eyes remained screwed shut. A swift dig to the solar plexus drove what breath was left from Dezzas lungs and out through his nostrils. His eyes opened wide in pain and terror. ‘Not nice is it Dezza…being on the receiving end?’ Both figures stared down at their prey through black balaclavas, only their eyes showing.  ‘Its time we had a talk…it wont take long…and then we’ll leave you…’

The room was suddenly plunged in darkness as the smaller figure in black turned the lights off. At the same time the light switch was smashed to expose the wiring. A sudden noise of trickling came from the area of the light switch. From a small water bottle the contents had been poured onto the laminate flooring. ‘Its done…need to get his fingers now!’ In the dim light a bottle was produced containing a silver liquid. Each one of Dezzas finger tips was dipped in the liquid which dried to a plasticine consistency.

‘We’ve been told a lot about you fella! Seems you’ve been a busy lad. From what we’ve been told you like smacking old ladies about, you don’t mind flogging drugs to school kids, you get paid a fair whack from local shopkeepers to stay away from them and you’re pretty handy with a baseball bat from behind.’ The grip around Dezzas throat returned. ‘I should just rip your throat out now…but I’m in a good mood…so be warned and leave the town, in fact leave the country fella!’  The menace in the voice of the black clad figure rang clearly around the dark room.

Tearing off the masking tape from Dezzas mouth produced a sharp intake of breath. ‘Don’t even think about calling out!’ the second figure whispers into his ear in an unmistakable female voice. ‘Or you will lose your voice box along with your bollocks!’  To impress the seriousness of the threat a boot was stamped down hard onto Dezzas groin. ‘Do yourself a favour and leave..or we’ll be back…but we might not be as friendly!’

The smaller figure in black moved to the hallway and opened the small cupboard beneath the stairs. Locating the gas pipe it was quickly loosened to release the distinctive odour into the house. A imperceptible hiss followed the figure back into the room. Moving back quickly and silently the smaller figure lands a heavy blow with her boot to Dezzas head. ‘Its done…!’ Both figures rise, leaving Dezza stunned. His bindings now undone he struggles to take in what has happened, what is happening!

Both black clad figures are through the back door and across the garden disappearing into the night.     

Dezza, now on his feet and shaking the blurriness from his head, makes his way across the room to the light switch. He does not notice the water on the floor as he reaches for the switch. As his right hand fingers,coated in mercury, touch the bare wires all Dezza sees is a blinding blue flash followed by a deafening explosion! His body is taken apart as the gas explosion disassembles the house.

‘Good job Dani!’  The figures in black are watching the night sky lit up by the fire. It was Dani’s first live mission and things had gone well. SWAB Team 6 melted into the night once again.



Health & Safety Gone Mad…!!!

April 19, 2009
'You've called us for what...!!!
‘You’ve called us for what…!!!

This must be spreading…

I was called recently to an address where the wife of an enthusiastic DIYer was unhappy at how her husband was using his circular saw! She thought he might have an accident! We really need to start charging people for these ridiculous calls instead of letting it became the norm.

The full story of the BBC over reacting to Health & Safety rules is found here…‘you couldn’t make it up!’