Crash Test Dummies…!

 Whos the Dummy?


There is an organisation revolving around a website called the “Darwin Awards“. This site has compiled a list, nay, a veritable library of stupid things that people have done to get them selves killed. It is amazing the things that have happened around the world that have brought about the demise of some one through acts of sheer lunacy stemming from a conspicuous lack of brain cells!

And so I bring you dear readers, to the tale of a recent “Darwin Award” hopeful.

The scene: …… its night time with the moon hidden behind shifting clouds, cold with a south easterly wind that bites into your skin. The location is a field, hard ground under foot shadowed by trees on three sides and edged at one end by the encroaching council estate.     

The truck is left at the road side with “Blues” still running. Our caller has met us at the edge of the field and quickly explains that he has found a couple of lads injured after coming off their trials motor bike. All I can see, as I look towards where our caller is gesturing, is dark. Just dark, dark outlines of trees in the far off distance with dark in the fore ground. Even the dull orange glow from the estates sodium street lights and the sparkling, spangling blue strobes from our truck make no impact on the dark. It is darker than a witches tit!

“How far in the field are they?” I asked hoping that they were nearer to us than could be seen. “Not far…about a couple of hundred yards” our caller informs us. Taking the resus bag and the trauma bag we head off into the great unknown after being told that both lads were conscious but in pain. Using my mag-lite we carefully wend our merry way across the ruts and muddy puddles breaking the ice on numerous pools.

After a couple of minutes our caller gives us an update on his calculated distance…..”I think it might be a bit further than I thought!” Marvellous! Every now and then I look behind me to make sure the truck is still there and that the local tribes have not broken into it/nicked the wheels/set fire to it or stolen it! (The estate we are near to is used for Army Training prior to deployment over seas.)


Eventually after a trek of almost one K, we arrive at the scene proper. Lying not too far away from the battered remains of a large off road motor bike, are two young lads. Both are cold and both are hurting. Good signs for us….if they are complaining then they are breathing and conscious. One lad, the pillion passenger, has pain in his lower leg but no where else. The other lad is slumped across his mate holding a rag against his head with one arm while his other arm looks decidedly limp and strangely angled.

The history: ….after knocking back more than a few sherbets the two lads decide to take the bike for a night time ride across the fields….with no lights on!….and no proper bike clothing or even winter gear!!!…and….No HELMETS!!! After tearing around the field for a while they headed into the darker recesses and opened the throttle up. At approximately 40mph the bike suddenly stopped! The reason it suddenly stopped?……the great big steel fence that stood in their way!


The Police had arrived on scene and I had called for another crew to assist. Taking a quick look at the riders head injury I saw that he had opened his head down to the bone in good style. Once we had the equipment with us we collared and spine boarded our rider and checked him out in the back of the truck. Large open wound to skull down to the bone with both eyes starting to close (possibility of base of skull fracture), lip split in two, teeth shattered, hole in his chin and obvious fracture to his humerus (upper arm). There was a possibility that he had been unconscious at the time of the crash also.

I saw the x rays later and his skull was fine (no brain injury either – but thats debatable), but the fracture to his arm was a corker! He had the worst supracondlyer fracture I have seen in years….but amazingly he had no vascular or neurological deficit! A very lucky kid indeed! By rights he should have been dead, at the very least seriously injured if not paralysed!


He was very nearly a winner of the “Darwin Award!”


21 Responses to Crash Test Dummies…!

  1. I saw a guy the other day, in nearby Market town, he was on one of those quad bikes, not the off road one type, more a street version.
    He was an accident waiting to happen, mainly because he was so busy looking at his own reflection in shop windows, not at the road; to say he was posing would be an understatement.
    He wore no helmet of course, I am sure he didn’t want to hide his square jawed profile from the ladies of the town as he cruised around upon his steed; what a total p***k.
    I suspect he lacked the intelligence to understand that brain damage* and plastic surgery does little for a guys pulling power……. Darwin in action, no reproduction no survival of the species, a result.

    *to his already limited stock of brain cells

  2. John says:

    I dred to think of the stories the US paramedics have about bikers over the pond – in many states a helmet isn’t neccessary even on the road…

    Your story is another tidbit to tell my friends why I wear all the gear on my bike. What an idiot that bloke is! (I suppose ‘is’ is better than ‘was’ though – lucky!)

  3. Stonehead says:

    I wonder if he’ll learn anything from the experience?

    I remember sitting next to a smashed bike a few years back, with my fingers inside the rider’s left thigh, trying to keep a firm grip on his great saphenous vein, while waiting for an ambulance. He’d ridden through a barbed wire fence (yes, another drunk), ripped his leg open up the inside, torn his scrotum open and whipped off a testicle.

    A woman motorist saw it happen, stopped and then flagged me down. One thing first aid courses don’t tell you is how to stop a severe bleed high up the thigh, so I simply stuck my hand in the rip, clamped my thumb and forefinger around the vein (yes, slippery, tough and pulsing), and held on, while persuading the bloke to remain lying down and keep his other leg elevated on the wreck of his bike. He was lucky it was a tear in the vein, and that it hadn’t been severed and retracted.

    This was before mobile phones, so the woman went for help while I stayed put for what seemed a very long time. I believe the rider survived.

    Something similar happened when I was teenager. A bloke I went to school with rode a motorbike into a barbed wire fence and ripped his thigh open, too. Fortunately, I missed that one.

    Plonkers, especially drunk ones, and motorbikes don’t mix well.

    (Incidentally, I’ve written this three times since reading the original post and deleted it three times before deciding to submit it. It was gruesome sitting there with a torch shining inside someone’s leg, wondering how long a wait it would be and if they’d still be alive when help got there. I also didn’t want to compete with your post, but then again it might show that incidents like this are not one-offs or freak events. I think I need a cuppa.)

  4. Kingmagic says:

    UHDD…posers make up quite a few of the Darwin Award winners! No helmet, no brains! Especially if he,d crashed!

    John…bike safety across the pond is getting better. (Perhaps Detail Medic might want to chip in?) I,ve not always worn the proper gear when biking, especially as a pimply faced yoof! But now with experience and seeing what has happened to others I make sure I,m armoured up when riding!

    Stonehead…you,re a Trauma Magnet!
    Its amazing how many people have simply “bled out” on scene with out common sense help available prior to our arrival.
    Basic first aid for bleeding and all the rest of it is brilliant, but sometimes (as in your example) there is a need to go further and do whats required to save someones life. Good call.

  5. Stonehead says:

    It runs in the family. My Dad is often at hand when things have gone pear-shaped, too.

    What’s really weird are the times, like last year’s crash into our outbuildings, when we’ve both been there. It’s a huge plus having someone you can rely on totally to do their share, but it’s also very funny after the event when you stop and think about the chances of having two Trauma Magnets in the same place at the same time.

    And I mustn’t forget my brother-in-law. At least he has the excuse of being a deputy fire captain at a busy station.

    But you really don’t want to invite all three of us to a fireworks display at barbecue beside a busy road, next to an airport fuel terminal…

  6. Arwen says:

    While I love this blog and follow it faithfully, the photo of the head wound was a bit much when just out of bed and unprepared for such a sight. Could you maybe put photos like that behind a clickylink or something? Thank you.

  7. Bendy Girl says:

    Ewww! Actually ewww some more! I hope your backs were ok after having to carry them all the way back? It never amazes me how stupid people can be, the BYM went to an RTA recently where the passenger who had been wearing their seatbelt walked away with just minor cuts/bruises but the driver who hadn’t was thrown clear of the car, had somehow had his arm amputated and had also opened the back of his head, but unfortunately left the contents on the road. So sad.
    Lil sis

  8. Kingmagic says:

    Arwen…sincere apologies for the graphic photo. I sometimes take sights like that for granted. I will do “clicky links” in future.

    BG….the human body is a complex piece of kit, and it breaks very easily. Big Bro.

  9. Elliott says:


    Can I use that picture to teach the little darlings at BMX and other MotoX type events why they keep being told to wear a f***ing helmet????

    If you have one with bigger resoloution all the better…



  10. Not only wear a f***ing helmet, but fasten the f***ing helmet
    A friend didn’t and made an awful mess of a very pretty face, when her dad got to her at hospital, he could only identify her from her birthmark.

  11. Emma says:

    I lost so many friends when i was younger through motorbike accidents, the worst was the well meaning nurse who took a helmet off, I don’t think I need to spell out what came off with it do I?

    Ooo and gory pic, I thought I wasn’t squeamish till I saw that…xx

  12. John R. says:

    Hello from the USA. Ambulance monkey myself. I’m from the State of New Mexico, (West of Texas, East of Arizona). We had a helmet law here, but it was repealed. I see images like this one regularly. We have lots of drunk drivers here too, so all forms of vehicular mayhem abound.

    Stay safe.

  13. kingmagic says:

    John R…I cant believe that a civilized society would repeal the helmet law! It doesnt make any sense! You must be well practised in head injury management! Why was it repealed?

  14. emsguy64 says:

    John R here under an actual WordPress user name.

    The repeal of helmet laws was controversial to say the least, but is was “Vox Populi” in action. Some States still have them, and even here in the wild West of New Mexico, anyone under 18 years must wear a helmet. Of course not every parent gets it, and we still have kids with serious head trauma on a regular basis. The big offender out here is ATVs. They are mostly off-road use and the rules aren’t enforced as well, plus many people see them as “toys” and not “real motor vehicles”, so they let kids ride them with little or no supervision and training.

  15. cow bell says:

    that was soo deep like you dont even no ,how deep ,that was .. omg your soo amazing 🙂 right on man !

  16. Andrea P. says:

    We greet a non-profit organizations from Bohemia. We are motorcycle safety and overall traffic. We would like to use photos and some info at public events to teach the public. The material is well treated. You give us permission? Thank

    Web site currently building a new! We need help here people are very unruly and often cut up. 128 people die annually in motocyklu.I 6 per weekend.

  17. Thanks for posting this article. I’m unquestionably frustrated with struggling to search out germane and brilliant comment on this topic. Everybody today goes to the very far extremes to either drive home their viewpoint that either: everyone else in the planet is wrong, or two that everyone but them does not really understand the situation. Many thanks for your succinct, pertinent insight.

  18. Hey, how are you I did recently got myself a superbike and I desperately want some assistance with a query I have been having ever since i bought it. I am the type of person that can get very cold very easily and i cant seem to stay warm enough on my Bike! Do you know how I can i fix this?

  19. C S Martin says:

    @Marla Verhines – Yes! You can stay warm by wearing a helmet! Honestly, I think you are trying to get yourself killed by buying a superbike in the first place! The point of this post is not about riding them, but rather, how to stay safe, and stay alive!

    C S Martin

  20. estetik says:

    While I love this blog and follow it faithfully, the photo of the head wound was a bit much when just out of bed and unprepared for such a sight. Could you maybe put photos like that behind a clickylink or something? Thank you.

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