Crash Test Dummies…!

February 24, 2008

 Whos the Dummy?


There is an organisation revolving around a website called the “Darwin Awards“. This site has compiled a list, nay, a veritable library of stupid things that people have done to get them selves killed. It is amazing the things that have happened around the world that have brought about the demise of some one through acts of sheer lunacy stemming from a conspicuous lack of brain cells!

And so I bring you dear readers, to the tale of a recent “Darwin Award” hopeful.

The scene: …… its night time with the moon hidden behind shifting clouds, cold with a south easterly wind that bites into your skin. The location is a field, hard ground under foot shadowed by trees on three sides and edged at one end by the encroaching council estate.     

The truck is left at the road side with “Blues” still running. Our caller has met us at the edge of the field and quickly explains that he has found a couple of lads injured after coming off their trials motor bike. All I can see, as I look towards where our caller is gesturing, is dark. Just dark, dark outlines of trees in the far off distance with dark in the fore ground. Even the dull orange glow from the estates sodium street lights and the sparkling, spangling blue strobes from our truck make no impact on the dark. It is darker than a witches tit!

“How far in the field are they?” I asked hoping that they were nearer to us than could be seen. “Not far…about a couple of hundred yards” our caller informs us. Taking the resus bag and the trauma bag we head off into the great unknown after being told that both lads were conscious but in pain. Using my mag-lite we carefully wend our merry way across the ruts and muddy puddles breaking the ice on numerous pools.

After a couple of minutes our caller gives us an update on his calculated distance…..”I think it might be a bit further than I thought!” Marvellous! Every now and then I look behind me to make sure the truck is still there and that the local tribes have not broken into it/nicked the wheels/set fire to it or stolen it! (The estate we are near to is used for Army Training prior to deployment over seas.)


Eventually after a trek of almost one K, we arrive at the scene proper. Lying not too far away from the battered remains of a large off road motor bike, are two young lads. Both are cold and both are hurting. Good signs for us….if they are complaining then they are breathing and conscious. One lad, the pillion passenger, has pain in his lower leg but no where else. The other lad is slumped across his mate holding a rag against his head with one arm while his other arm looks decidedly limp and strangely angled.

The history: ….after knocking back more than a few sherbets the two lads decide to take the bike for a night time ride across the fields….with no lights on!….and no proper bike clothing or even winter gear!!!…and….No HELMETS!!! After tearing around the field for a while they headed into the darker recesses and opened the throttle up. At approximately 40mph the bike suddenly stopped! The reason it suddenly stopped?……the great big steel fence that stood in their way!


The Police had arrived on scene and I had called for another crew to assist. Taking a quick look at the riders head injury I saw that he had opened his head down to the bone in good style. Once we had the equipment with us we collared and spine boarded our rider and checked him out in the back of the truck. Large open wound to skull down to the bone with both eyes starting to close (possibility of base of skull fracture), lip split in two, teeth shattered, hole in his chin and obvious fracture to his humerus (upper arm). There was a possibility that he had been unconscious at the time of the crash also.

I saw the x rays later and his skull was fine (no brain injury either – but thats debatable), but the fracture to his arm was a corker! He had the worst supracondlyer fracture I have seen in years….but amazingly he had no vascular or neurological deficit! A very lucky kid indeed! By rights he should have been dead, at the very least seriously injured if not paralysed!


He was very nearly a winner of the “Darwin Award!”