January 11, 2008



I roll over again onto my side pulling the duvet around my shoulders tighter to squeeze more comfort and warmth out of the Tog 24 rated bedding. I am warm…I am cosy…I am comfy…I am in bliss. Very nice…marvellous.

All is quiet within the Kingmagic house hold. Sleep reigns supreme with the silence only being interrupted by the occasional low snore. The kind of snore that boasts contentment, that all is well with the world and that the ever approaching day is far far away.

Lazily I open one eye to sneak a look at the alarm clock. Just to reaffirm to my sub-conscious that I am in Heaven and that I have lots of zeds left before I need to mobilise my tired limbs.

“……..0618 hours…….”  mmmmm! I,ll just have another five minutes…….


A slow burning candle at the back of my mind begins to burn brighter. Suddenly the candle begins to take on the shape and form of a bright halogen light bulb….Ping!

Realisation number:

  1. ……the bloody alarm has not gone off!
  2. ……I,m at work in 42 minutes!
  3. ……It takes me 30 minutes to drive there!
  4. ……I,m still not fully awake!

With the agility and grace of a gazelle I leap from my warm duvet which has cocooned me in warmth and nice dreams all night. The sudden shock of the cold night air hits my body as the bedroom temperature seems much, much, much lower than that of my nice warm duvet…!

Immediately my warm body seems to seize up and I stumble and stagger across to the en-suite bathroom. Whereas once I was gazelle like, I am now more akin to a one legged elephant pissed up in the dark! My foot catches on the corner of the door and I fumble about for the light switch. A light switch that I have turned on and off a thousand times with no problems…even in the dark! Now I seem to have lost all sense of spatial awareness and momentarily think to myself that I might not even be able to find my own arse with both hands!!!

Panic begins to creep in….”Wake up! Wake up!” I will my self to shake off the cobwebs of sleep from the befuddled edges of my consciousness. “Click!”  I find the light switch…the bedroom is bathed in light from the bathroom and I look to Mrs .Magic who is sleeping and hope that I have not disturbed her. 

I start to wake up now…formulate an action plan and begin to put it into action. I only have time for the three S plan…“S**t, shave and shower!” I will not have time to eat breakfast and I make a mental note to buy a big sausage, bacon and egg butty at the first opportunity.

“Uniform…?”…..I cant remember where it is….and it needs filling up with all the bits of kit that I carry during my shift. I will just bung it all in a plastic bag and sort it at work……

“……0631 hours!……” ….I,m not even dressed yet! I am going to be soooooooo late!

A sudden movement from under the duvet alerts me to the fact that I have woken Mrs. Magic from her slumber. “What are you doing…?” she asks me as I try and jam my left boot onto my right foot! “Bloody alarm did,nt go off!!!” I stagger with one leg in the air trying to chase down the errant boot that refuses to play fair.

Mrs. Magic looks over at the clock……”0636 hours……” She then looks back at me as I try to multi-task zipping trousers, tucking in shirt, sorting out collar and grabbing kit….still with one boot on the wrong foot! “Why are you up…?” 

Realisation number:

     5.  ……I,m on days off…!!!