Saturday night brought me back into the Big City to do a shift on the Foxtrot-Oscar RRV. This is a Rapid Response Vehicle crewed by myself and a Police Officer for 8 hours of fun filled shenanighans with members of the public.
It started off badly. The vehicle I was to use would not start…it refused to fire up. Even with my soft words of encouragement…”come on you f*&<ing useless piece of s>&t!” I was more hacked off because I had just completed a full vehicle kit check…monitors, gases, drugs, dressings, forms, safety gear and all the other equipment which most of the nights customers probaly would not need.
Our first vehicle…
Eventually it fired up and coughed & spluttered into life like some bronchitic patient having his first cig on a cold morning. Now I just had make it to the Police station and pick up my mate for the shift. Having arrived at the police station and located my Police crew mate we went back out to the vehicle…an old 4 x 4 that had seen better days. We jumped into the car and called our relative control rooms.
I keyed the engine expecting it to roar into life announcing to the world that we were on a mission, we were ready to take on all comers. We had the kit, we had the knowledge, we had the vehicle, we had both our controls chomping at the bit ready to assign us jobs…we just didnt have lift off! “B>@#%&<d car!” It just would not start and the sound of the engine turning over yet not catching sounded more like maniacal laughter resounding all around the car park of the Police station!
Eventually we were picked up and driven to another ambulance station to pick up a spare RRV. A newer Volvo, more agile, more poke, more lights and sirens than a Ambulance Trade Convention. This car was better, although still not exactly the “mutts nuts” we settled for the “badgers nadgers.” Now it was time to meet our public! Oh joy!!
What we really need…
Every single job was drink related…(our primary mission is to deal with drink related incidents and assaults and so free up more ambulances for the more serious calls)…and ranged from the usual booze fuelled fights that occur in every city and town centre on a weekend, to the more sinister assaults that were premeditated.
The usual tally of wounds/lumps & bumps included black eyes, split lips, bruises to the head, grazes to the body and a possible concussion after being hit full on with a housebrick to the forehead. A couple of jobs stood out due to the nastiness of the assaults.
The first was an unprovoked attack on a young lad who was walking his girlfriend home. A car stopped and three scroats jumped out and gave the young lad a severe beating resulting in a nasty mouth injury which was going to require surgery. I gave due credit to this lad as he was more concerned about his girlfriend and seemed to take it all in his stride. Not a case of false bravado I just think he displayed a confidence beyond his years.
The second nasty incident near to the end of the shift. Again another young lad had been beaten. Only this time he had been thrown from a moving car and then the car had turned around and tried to run him over! Luckily he suffered relatively minor facial injuries although the amount of blood on his face, clothes and the road would have indicated otherwise to someone outside of the job.
Our last job was to a “house fire, persons reported!” in the wee hours of sunday morning. The classic job…back home from the pub, chip pan on, fall asleep and hey presto…instant bonfire night in the comfort of your own home! He was brought out by the fire brigade non the worse for his little expedition into Dantes Inferno.
All in all it was a relatively quiet night for us…8 jobs all sorted out and no-one died…thank God!